Ready, steady, I do - Don't rush into a marriage. Here are a few points to mull over before you take that big plunge
While you may be impatiently waiting to settle down with the person of your dreams, don't rush in without thinking things through. Here are a few factors you should consider before taking the final call so you don't look back at your life with regret. It is critical to be mentally prepared to share your life. Family counselor and therapist Prerna Shah lists a few essentials you should assess before popping the question.
Numbers matter
Don't belittle the importance of numbers, be it your age, or your combined gross salaries. Research shows, one should ideally be at least 26 years old before they get married, since by then they are mature enough to handle situations and understand the demands of a marriage. The initial head rush of being in love will tide you through the first few months of marriage. The real grime comes into effect later and you'll have to reach in for more patience and understanding than you've ever had to in your adult life.
Important factors such as how the financials of your little start-up family will work, need to be ironed out beforehand. If you feel like you'll need your spouse to chip into the kitty, you'll need to make sure you're both in the right jobs with the right scope for growth to make it work.
Ready for it: If you are headed into your 30s or already in it, with your education taken care of and you and your girlfriend together make for a happy financial sum, you're good to go.
The connect
Just like individuals have different personalities, they also have varying attachment styles. A lot of it can be traced back to your relationship with your parents and family. While some have a very strong familial bond with secure attachments, some struggle with anxious-preoccupied or dismissive and avoidant associations. Those who are secure tend to choose similar partners, making for a smooth relationship. Those who struggle emotional baggage and childhood issues however, need toresolve them before they venture into new relationships. Don't carry unnecessary baggage into a marriage.
Ready for it : If most of your adult relationships were marred by jealousy or insecurity, seek help and counseling before making a life-long commitment. With an understanding partner most issues can be sorted.
The value chain
It is crucial to figure out why exactly it is that you want to get married. If your reasons revolve around age, compatibility, external pressure and the convenience of marriage, maybe you should give it more time.
While most couples may also toy with the idea of living in with each other prior to marriage, it is not necessarily a good test of your relationship and how successful it will be.
Also, try and understand your partner's ideas on religion, child care, families etc to be on the same page.
Considering the current divorce rates, it is critical to analyse if the institution of marriage means the same to you as it does to your partner.
Ready for it : If you are able to peacefully reach a common ground on things you may or may not agree with. You are able to recognise the positive and work on resolving the negatives.
Personality traits
Be very careful while you assess the compatibility of your personalities. You'll need someone who understands your personality and can let you be without trying to change you. Obsessive or neurotic people tend to harbor feelings of anger and hostility and are also more prone to depression and anxiety. If either you or your partner is battling with these issues, it's best to sort them out with therapy before you move ahead.
Ready for it : If you can be patient and understanding with your partner and be sure to give them space and encouragement.
Relationship-wise
Maintaining a strong bond between yourself and your partner will require effort if you want your marriage to be successful. You'll need to share power and maintain an equal equation in the household.
Maintaining a long-term relationship requires compromise, which includes family decisions to finances, to handling in-laws and children and even domestic chores.
Ready for it : If you can understand that a relationship is a work in progress. Ensure that you and your partner can enjoy and have fun together. ( indiatimes.com )
While you may be impatiently waiting to settle down with the person of your dreams, don't rush in without thinking things through. Here are a few factors you should consider before taking the final call so you don't look back at your life with regret. It is critical to be mentally prepared to share your life. Family counselor and therapist Prerna Shah lists a few essentials you should assess before popping the question.
Numbers matter
Don't belittle the importance of numbers, be it your age, or your combined gross salaries. Research shows, one should ideally be at least 26 years old before they get married, since by then they are mature enough to handle situations and understand the demands of a marriage. The initial head rush of being in love will tide you through the first few months of marriage. The real grime comes into effect later and you'll have to reach in for more patience and understanding than you've ever had to in your adult life.
Important factors such as how the financials of your little start-up family will work, need to be ironed out beforehand. If you feel like you'll need your spouse to chip into the kitty, you'll need to make sure you're both in the right jobs with the right scope for growth to make it work.
Ready for it: If you are headed into your 30s or already in it, with your education taken care of and you and your girlfriend together make for a happy financial sum, you're good to go.
The connect
Just like individuals have different personalities, they also have varying attachment styles. A lot of it can be traced back to your relationship with your parents and family. While some have a very strong familial bond with secure attachments, some struggle with anxious-preoccupied or dismissive and avoidant associations. Those who are secure tend to choose similar partners, making for a smooth relationship. Those who struggle emotional baggage and childhood issues however, need toresolve them before they venture into new relationships. Don't carry unnecessary baggage into a marriage.
Ready for it : If most of your adult relationships were marred by jealousy or insecurity, seek help and counseling before making a life-long commitment. With an understanding partner most issues can be sorted.
The value chain
It is crucial to figure out why exactly it is that you want to get married. If your reasons revolve around age, compatibility, external pressure and the convenience of marriage, maybe you should give it more time.
While most couples may also toy with the idea of living in with each other prior to marriage, it is not necessarily a good test of your relationship and how successful it will be.
Also, try and understand your partner's ideas on religion, child care, families etc to be on the same page.
Considering the current divorce rates, it is critical to analyse if the institution of marriage means the same to you as it does to your partner.
Ready for it : If you are able to peacefully reach a common ground on things you may or may not agree with. You are able to recognise the positive and work on resolving the negatives.
Personality traits
Be very careful while you assess the compatibility of your personalities. You'll need someone who understands your personality and can let you be without trying to change you. Obsessive or neurotic people tend to harbor feelings of anger and hostility and are also more prone to depression and anxiety. If either you or your partner is battling with these issues, it's best to sort them out with therapy before you move ahead.
Ready for it : If you can be patient and understanding with your partner and be sure to give them space and encouragement.
Relationship-wise
Maintaining a strong bond between yourself and your partner will require effort if you want your marriage to be successful. You'll need to share power and maintain an equal equation in the household.
Maintaining a long-term relationship requires compromise, which includes family decisions to finances, to handling in-laws and children and even domestic chores.
Ready for it : If you can understand that a relationship is a work in progress. Ensure that you and your partner can enjoy and have fun together. ( indiatimes.com )
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